Essay还能这样这样写?你懂招生官的套路吗?

在留学申请中,essay是非常重要的一环,一篇好的essay能让你在招生官心目中留下一个好的印象,如果你抓到了他的喜好,他很可能忽略很多其他的条件给你offer,但关键就在于怎样才能抓住他们的喜好,这似乎是个不稳定又没有标准的东西,很多中国留学生会把essay写的很华丽,很高大上,但很有可能在招生官眼中觉得你很不真实,所以到底应该怎么做?就真的没有“套路”可寻了吗?

在这里,小编就来给大家看一篇在我们看来稍微有点奇葩的essay,来自Quora网友My-Ngoc To在申请哈佛时提交了一篇以“bra”为主题的essay,就是这样一个在我们看来有点匪夷所思的主题帮他赢得了offer,而且在正式邮件上招生官甚至给他手写了:“I really enjoyed reading your bra essay!”一个男生来写“bra”,写得让哈佛招生官都被他征服了,那我们就要好好来看看他怎么写的了。

原文如下:

I remember the first time I wore a bra. I came home from school in the fifth grade, and my mom handed me a white cloth to put on beneath my shirt. “You’re a big girl now,” she said, “You need to wear this.” From that moment on, my life was forever changed.

That same year, I was taught that the sun would someday die, and I, feeling the pressure of the contraption beneath my shirt, realized that my childhood, too, would eventually dissipate just like the sun.

The first bra paved way for a second, and then a third, and then, by the fourth bra I had advanced to the Lady Type, the ones that my mom wore.

With every new bra, I cast away the former. Somewhere in the dark abyss of my closet, there is a heap of abandoned bras, tiny, worn-out filaments that had once shone so brightly in their days of use, but had faded away into old, neglected remnants of days long gone. They sit against a corner of the universe and gather dust like dead stars— without life, without luster, without vigor.

With every new bra, I felt the unmerciful hand of change push me further down a path with which I had no return. The bras no longer had the simplicity of the first; they came equipped with more folds and stitches and frills and patterns that were designed to counteract the growing complexity of my responsibilities.

Sometimes, when I found myself too big for the current one, I was either unable to or unwilling to get another because of the implications behind the transition—if every new bra meant the death of another star, then the adult world was nothing to me but a lifetime of darkness. I tried so hard not to kill any more stars, but my resistance was not enough, and I found myself adding layer after layer to the ever-increasing pile of bras. With this mindset, I prepared myself for the end, for the moment in which my entire universe would be engulfed by the black hole forming in my closet.

But I was saved.

I learned that life does not occur linearly, but in cycles: New stars can arise from the ashes of former ones, and the darkness of death is replenished by the light of birth. Thus, what is created is only a reinterpretation of the past in a form that is fitted for the present. In wearing a new bra, I was not casting away my old self but reorienting myself to accommodate to changing times.

Change, as overwhelming as it feels, is only natural—the pile of bras will only get bigger. Though it is hard to accept the existence of the bra in my life, I realize that I cannot live without it, for, as we grow older, things tend to droop more easily, and there is nothing more reliable than a bra to give us the inner support necessary to have a firm hold on life.

我们从小学习语文写作文时老师就教导我们,立题要有新意,可以说在选题上,这位同学就已经赢了,当然不是说让你去照搬别人的想法,相信在你的生活也有一些东西是你感兴趣的独有的,这些都可以挖掘出来作为你essay的题材,比如曾经有中国学生写自己喜欢吃方便面,尝遍世界各地的方便面而获得多所常春藤名校的offer。这些都是我们应该去着手思考的方向。

当然虽然题材不能照搬,但多参考前人的essay还是很有帮助的,这里小编就给大家推荐一些网站:

1、在addmitsee上检索被哈佛录取学生的共享信息

https://www.admitsee.com/blog/5-amazing-harvard-admissions-essays

2、Ivyapps

https://ivyapps.org/heres-essay-got-harvard-mit-princeton-yale/

3、apstudynotes

https://www.apstudynotes.org/harvard/

你可以从这些网站中看一看以前那些拿到offer的学生他们的essay是怎么写的,出发点落脚点,方式手法这些都可以借鉴一下,吸取别人的优点结合自身特色,相信就能成为你完成一篇优秀essay的最大助力。

最后,再分享一篇征服了哈佛,耶鲁、MIT、哥伦比亚大学等多所名校的充满个人风格的essay,作者将自己最爱的音乐和数学交联一体,流畅、深入、在科学的铠甲下充满想象力的灵魂,让人读完只想走进作者的大脑一探究竟!

在文章的开始,他是这样写的:

I think about the converging waves of the notes I play, the standing waves being created by plucking a string, and the physics behind the air pockets being forged that eventually find a listening ear whenever I sit down to play my bass. Thus, my passions of math and music synergistically become more together than they could ever be apart. I started thinking about this when a former math teacher of mine approached me one afternoon and asked me if I was interested in giving the induction speech at the Mu Alpha Theta induction ceremony. Being a member of the honor society and recounting the memorable induction speech given the year prior at my own induction, I wholeheartedly agreed.I decided on the topic of music and math because I play upright bass in the orchestra and electric bass in the jazz ensemble and being a math enthusiast, it is impossible for me not to see the mathematics and physics present in music.

…我决定将音乐和数学作为自己研究的主题是因为我在管弦乐队演奏低音提琴、在爵士乐团演奏电贝司,同时作为一名数学爱好者,我不可能对数学和物理在音乐中的体现视而不见。

紧接着他详细分析了数学之于音乐的体现:

At music’s core, math is present in the tempo and rhythm of a piece, with the time signature being represented as a fraction and the tempo being represented by a numerical value in beats per minute.The relationship between the two gets even more intriguing when applied to actual notes being played. The best sounding music is that which uses flawless mathematics.It is common knowledge that each note has a letter name—A through G—but also has a number value, measured in hertz. An A4 for instance is 440 hertz. In Beethoven’s “Moonlight Sonata,” there exist triads in triplet form. These triads are made up of D, F#, and A. Since sound is a vibrational energy, notes can be graphed as sine functions. When the triad notes are graphed, they intersect at their starting point and at the point 0.042. At this point the D has gone through two full cycles, the F# two and a half, and the A three. This results in consonance, something that sounds naturally pleasant to the ear. Thinking about this opened my eyes to all the aspects of my life with which I utilize math to enhance.

在音乐的核心,数学表现为每一段的速度和节奏,拍子记号被表示为分数,节奏则被表示为每分钟打拍子的数值……最完美的音乐一定是使用了最无瑕疵的音乐。

甚至是运动(足球),他也可以用数学来解释:

There is also an incredible amount of unseen math present in football. At 5 foot 10 inches and 160 pounds with pads on, I fall short of the average player at my position who is usually at least 6 feet tall and well over 200 pounds, so applying math to football is intellectually stimulating, but is more importantly a survival mechanism. When I have to go up against an opponent who is over twice my size and looks like he eats freshmen for lunch, brute force is not on my side and it helps having equations for momentum and attack angle running through my head. Math not only helps me survive, but also thrive. As an opponent running back is darting down the sideline with seemingly cheetah-like speed, I can trust that my angles and velocity will allow me to make the play and possibly save a game-changing touchdown.Or when a ball is sailing through the air caught in the stadium lights, I can picture a projectile motion problem with constant acceleration downward and a near constant velocity in the x-direction, and know that I have a leg up on the player next to me who does not think about it the way I do.When I look at aspects of my life in a math context, they make more sense and make things that I love even better and more enjoyable.

…当一个对手以猎豹般的速度跑回来的时候,我相信我的角度和速度将允许我获得一个能够改变游戏的触地得分…当我从数学的角度查看自己的生活时,他们显然变得更有意义,我也更能享受其中。

爱则专注,专注则精通,精通则能融汇贯通,这位学生的文章充分说明了什么叫做“真爱”,难怪这么多顶级大学抛来橄榄枝,如此热忱、专注、加上一定的智慧用功,怎么看来都是大有可为的。

小编希望大家的essay也能充分发挥这种专注于我所爱所想的精神,因为只有这样你才能正中招生官的下怀,征服他们!

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